Today is my day off, and I've been procrastinating all morning, like I always do. When I went to bed last night, I had every intention of waking up, getting the kiddo off to school, and doing SOMETHING, anything to get me on the track to organizing my life. In all honesty, using this blog is a form of procrastination, too (if I'm going to be honest with myself at least). I'm trying to work up the nerve though, to do something hard. Something that scares me most of all: going over my finances.
Since I didn't work for 2 months, we were working on a limited income, and we had to do some creative financing in some places to make it work and keep our heads above water. Now that I have had the job and the money coming in, we've been able to catch up on some things, but other things have been neglected, and now it's time to try to find a way to get it straight, before it gets completely out of control. I am trying not to panic... to stay calm and understand that lots of people have problems, lots of people have been through this, and lots of people have made their way back from the depths of panic that comes with money being owed and debt collectors calling.
I've been reading a website lately, that has helped me to get the house somewhat under control, and it says that "Financial Awareness Continually Empowers", and I am going to test this theory to see if it's true. It's not going to be easy, in fact it will be quite difficult. I will have to recognize and get started working on everything that I owe, and everything that I spend. I will have to be the one who says "no" more often to my husband and to my daughter - which is something I do anyway... but will have to be more firm about the whole thing. I don't relish the idea of being the "bad guy" in the household, the one who says NO all the time, when deep inside I really want to say yes, but know that I can't do that. We have got to get ourselves back up from where we are, and if NO is how I'm going to accomplish that, then I guess NO is what I'll be doing. Perhaps someday I'll be able to get us into a position where I can say YES every once and a while.
So now I am armed, with a little bit of courage, a lot of nervousness to see the final numbers, a laptop computer, all the websites and passwords, and my dog curled up at my feet (he must know I'm nervous, because he's been pretty calm today for some reason!).... now to get it started, so that I'll have something clear and well-thought-out to present to my hubby later.
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